圣诞节笑话大全乐翻天一：下面是的小编为您带来的圣诞节笑话乐翻天【优秀3篇】，希望可以启发、帮助到大家。
The thief and the judgeIt was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner、 "What are you charged with?" he asked、"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant、"Thats no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?""Before the store opened," countered the prisoner、
法官与小偷那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉？”他问。“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早？”在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。
Jesuss TellyA child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib、 Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval、 The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired、"But whats that in the corner?" asked Mother、"Oh, thats their telly," replied the tot、
耶稣的电视机圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。“可是那个角落里是什么？”妈妈问。“噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。
What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe
圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么？答案：锄地。（英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。）
On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel、 Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor、 Which one of them do you think picked it up?Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!
圣诞节前夕，圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯，门还未开前，三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票，猜猜谁会将它捡起？答案：当然是圣诞老人啦！为什么？因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。
1、 Into the Church进教堂
Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church、 The town hall brought in some cats、 But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back、 The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside town、 But three days later, the squirrels climbed back in、 Only the church came up with an effective solution、 They baptized the squirrels and made them members、 Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter、镇里有三座建筑物被松鼠占领了--市政厅、五金店和教堂。市政厅引进了一些猫。但这些“猎手”撕毁了文档，于是它们也就被市长请出了市政厅。而很快，松鼠又回来了。五金店捕捉到松鼠后，施与怜悯将它们在镇外释放了。但三天后，松鼠爬回镇里来了。只有教堂采取了一种有效的解决方案。松鼠得到洗礼成为了教众。现在，人们只会在圣诞节和复活节时才能看到松鼠。
2、 Denomination 面额还是教派？
A woman goes to the post office and asks for 50 Hanukkah stamps、 "What denomination?" asks the clerk、 The woman says, "Six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform、"一名女士走进邮局，问职员要50张光明节纪念邮票（小编注：光明节：犹太人庆祝光明到来的节日）。职员问。“多少面额的？”女士说：“6张东正教，12张保守党，32张革新派。”
3、 Good Lights 好灯
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights、 I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in、 I did, and each one lit up、 "Great," she said、 I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box、 But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed、 "I don’t want this box," she said abruptly、 "It’s been opened、"一位顾客进我们的商店买圣诞灯。我给她看了我们店里最好的牌子，但还需确认一下灯泡是否正常。她让我把灯泡从盒子里拿出来，然后通上电。我照做了。每一个灯泡都是正常的。她说:“非常好。”我小心翼翼地把这串圣诞灯放回盒子里。可当我把这一盒灯泡交给她时，她吃惊地看着我，突然说：“我不要这一盒，它打开过的。”
4、 Stop the Presses让媒体闭嘴
These holiday “headlines” — concocted by the satirists at the Onion — are completely fabricated、 And yet they have the ring of truth、 Coal Now Too Expensive to Put in Christmas Stockings, Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think, Accountants Pack Times Square for Fiscal New Year, Book Given as Gift Actually Read这些节日头条--由全美最优质新闻媒体The Onion的讽刺作家杜撰--完全是胡编乱造，不过听起来还真像是事实。诸如《放进圣诞袜的煤太贵了买不起》，《研究发现了红酒间的联系》，《让妈妈知道你真正在想什么》，《会计人员蜂拥时代广场庆祝新财年》，《书当圣诞礼物真有人读》。
5、 Hiding the Presents藏礼物
I had finished my Christmas shopping early and had wrapped all the presents、 Having two curious children, I had to find a suitable hiding place、 I chose an ideal spot—the furnace room、 I stacked the presents and covered them with a blanket, positive they’d remain undiscovered、 When I went to get the gifts to put them under the tree, I lifted the blanket and there, stacked neatly on top of my gifts, were presents addressed to "Mom and Dad, From the Kids、"早些天我就做好圣诞购物并包装好所有的礼物了。因为有两个好奇的孩子，我需要找一个适合藏礼物的隐蔽处。我想到了一个理想的`地方--炉子间。我叠好礼物，用一块毯子把它们盖起来，觉得它们肯定不会被发现。当我去拿礼物想把它们放在圣诞树下时，我掀开毯子，看到，在我准备好的礼物上面整齐地叠放着另一些礼物，上面写着“给爸爸妈妈，你们的宝贝”。
6、 Gift Exchange交换礼物
My friend reviewed her young son’s fill-in-the-blank homework、 One line: “At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ____、” His response: “Receipts、”我朋友在检查她儿子的填空题家庭作业。有一行：“在圣诞节，我们和____交换礼物。”他的答案：“收据。”
7、 Limited Knowledge知识有限
As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one、 "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate、 "You can’t do that," argued my four-year-old、 "Don’t worry、 Santa will never know、" He shot me a look、 "So he knows if I’ve been bad or good, but he doesn’t know the cookie fell on the floor?"平安夜那天，在我们分发饼干时，我一不小心掉了一块到地上。“没关系。”我一边说，一边捡起来，并在放回盘子前掸掉了上面的灰。“你不能那么做。”我四岁大的孩子争论道。“别担心，圣诞老人不会知道的。”他朝我瞟了一眼。“这就是说他知道我有没有做坏事，而他不知道饼干掉在地上过？”
8、 Odd Christmas Visit奇怪的圣诞拜访
From an article on the Woolacombe Bay Hotel in Devon, England: "Their three-night Christmas break includes a packed program of family entertainment, a crèche, excellent cuisine, and a visit from Satan、"英格兰德文郡Woolacombe海湾酒店有一篇文章：“他们的三日圣诞假期套餐包括家庭娱乐、育婴托管、美味佳肴，还有撒旦来访”。
9、 Quick Cleanup快速清扫
Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up、 She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom、 Later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly、 Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains、 It read "Thank you for not looking in the bathtub、"不速之客就在路上，我妈妈，一个完美的家庭主妇，正忙里忙外地整理。她分配给我爸和我哥哥的任务是打扫供客人使用的浴室。一会儿之后，当她去检查的时候，她吃惊了，曾经一度杂 https://m.haozuowen.net/ 乱的房间瞬间就被打扫干净了。接着她看到浴帘上有一张纸条，纸条上写着：“谢谢你没往浴缸里看。”
10、 Post Holiday Blues假日里的郁闷事
A waitress at our restaurant had a change of clothes stolen from the break room、 Making matters worse, she’d planned on wearing them to the Christmas party、 As a brand-new employee, I didn’t know any of this backstory, so I was a bit surprised to find this indignant note posted on the community board: "It has been two weeks since the Christmas party, and I still have not found my clothes、"
我们饭馆里一位女服务员的一套换洗的衣服在休息室里失窃了。更糟的是，她原本计划穿着那套去参加圣诞聚会。作为一个新员工，我并不知道这个幕后故事，因此当我发现这张充满怒气的纸条贴在社区公告栏里时，有点吃惊。纸条上写着：“圣诞聚会已经过去两个星期了，但我始终还没找回我的衣服。”
11、 Easy to Forgive轻易宽恕
Late for a seminar and unable to find parking, I pulled into a spot behind a church、 It was only after I’d gotten out of the car that I spotted this sign: "No parking、 Forgiveness is our business, but don’t make it harder than it already is、"因为研讨会迟到，现在找不到停车的地方，于是我把车停在了教堂后面。直到我从车里出来我才看到这个标志牌：“不准停车！宽恕是我们的职责，但是不要给原已糟糕的现状添堵了。”
12、 Waiting for Christmas等待圣诞节
My wife took our three-year-old to church for the first time、 Getting impatient while waiting for the Mass to start, he turned to her and asked, "What time does Jesus get here?" 我妻子第一次带我们三岁大的孩子去教堂。在弥撒曲开始前我们等了很久，孩子等的不耐烦了，转向妈妈问：“耶稣什么时候来这里？”
13、 Christmas Eve Service平安夜祷告
Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed、 The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary、 Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"就在我开始平安夜祷告时，教堂停电了。教堂里的接待人员和我找到一些蜡烛，把它们放在礼堂周围。然后我重返讲道坛，整理了一下笔记后，我说：“刚才我讲到哪儿了？”传来一阵不耐烦的声音：“马上就讲完了！”
1、传说圣诞夜晚，天上的星星发下二个心愿；一个是愿天下所有人平安快乐，另一个则是告诉正在看此讯息的幸运娃，圣诞节可以放假一天，不过请先请假！
2、今年圣诞节我只能形单影只地一个人度过。孤单冷清的感觉实在难受，如果圣诞老人可以把你送到我身边就好了…我是萨达姆，圣诞快乐！
3、这个迷人的圣诞，你躲在家里生蛋蛋，生了一堆恐龙蛋，还有一只小鸡蛋。猪，生蛋快乐！穿着红棉袄的圣诞老人、青翠葱笼的圣诞树、金黄色的铃铛，早早地就映入了我们的眼帘，让我们期待着圣诞节，给自己一个放松、疯狂、娱乐的理由！
4、平安夜满天星，是我求圣诞老公公给你的祝福。当每一丝星光接触到你的眼光，都将化作轻柔的情呵护你甜梦到天明！愿你度过一个快乐的圣诞节！
5、好久不见！经常会想起你，无数个圣诞节的祝福，那友谊，厚厚积累的愉快记忆，人间的亲情，天堂的温馨，终于带给了我们大家。祝你圣诞节快乐！
6、 失恋33天并不可怕，可怕的是失恋34天后，大姨妈还没有来。
7、 情人节圣诞节，骗骗情侣也就算了，光棍们已经这么可怜了，商家还要想方设法骗他们钱，真太尼玛不人道了啊！
8、 老妈是个吃货，下定决心一定要减肥，每天节食。有一天，老爸做了一桌子的美味，我和老爸吃的津津有味，老妈在旁边看的一忍再忍。最后，老爸很淡定的说，不知道你折腾啥，我又不退货。
9、 刚和老公打车回家，到家门口时才发现悲剧了，俩人身上钱合起来还差两块。仨人相对无语尴尬之际，老公弱弱地说：“师傅，我们还差两块，你往回开一点吧…”瞬间车内安静了、
10、当老人家偷偷爬出窗时，我深情地掉泪了，无数次他扛着沉重的裹出去出卖力气无数次他为了某人而花白了胡子时，多么想说声……您，老头子，圣诞快乐哦圣诞快乐哦